Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
