cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
