I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
