He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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