I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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