So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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