evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
