watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
