Swine flu. Run for my life!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
