I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
