I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
