"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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