so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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