He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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