she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
