My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
