Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
