hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
