I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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