First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
