Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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