you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
