Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
