Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
