I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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