i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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