I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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