I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
