Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
