JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
