Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
