where am i from again
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
