I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
