So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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