Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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