ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
