I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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