the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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