The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
