Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
