You can't special order awesome
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
