i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
