I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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only you would photoshop your dick
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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