And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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