The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
