It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
