You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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