The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
