just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
