ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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