3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
