a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drake has all the answers
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
