i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
