There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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