Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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